‘Third Time’s The Charm’, Third Year Reassures Himself, Before SF ’15 (Poltucally Incorrect)

Hardik Sharma, having lived up to his last name for two consecutive Spring Fests resolved to live up to his first name this time around, as he was seen buying condoms at the BC Roy pharmacy in preparation for SF 2015. After confirming that the shelf life of a condom is in fact less than a year, he grudgingly proceeded to buy a new pack.

Sources report that Hardik, who names Barney Stinson as his personal hero, is going all out to ensure that this Spring Fest is the one in which he actualizes his Lakeside dreams. Hardik has vowed to hit the gym every day. He has shed all other commitments (but no pounds yet). “I can’t afford to break any more new year’s resolutions’ he says.

Sources also report that he has opted for Fluid Mechanics as his elective. When asked to explain, he whispered “not in this economy”, visibly terrified.

Hardik has now taken up reading about Estonia (“Republic of Estonia”, he corrects us), to impress any or every delegate who shall be participating in the KGP MUN. If that doesn’t work, he has concocted a list of pick-up lines he found on Buzzfeed, and is not afraid to use it. Hardik’s dream date would be talking all night on the Gymkhana terrace over some scrumptiously affordable  Kusum Kebabs. He is very excited to get the opportunity to talk about something other than ’1 is to 10′ at last.

Armed only with pick-up lines, a semi-impressive physique, and sporadic information about a Baltic nation, Hardik decided to increase his chances by consulting Kharagpur’s most celebrated Funda Gawd, Ashwin Dhawan,

Dhawan is an accomplished Funda Gawd in his 12th semester in IIT Kharagpur. Legend has it, no one who is still in campus really knows Dhawan’s department, as he is never anywhere around the academic area. Dhawan is not yet published, but that is only because he prefers the medium of one sided shouting matches over books. When approached by Hardik for advice, Dhawan said “Sab moh-maya hai” (with a laugh that he shared with himself) only to add a minute later “except GC”.

Hardik is one of the many KGPians who vowed to shower twice a day during SF, (which meant a whopping 8 times increase from their lifetime average). This anomaly inspired a group of researchers to conjecture that ‘the boinky-doinky’ is man’s greatest motivation. When asked to comment on this, Dhawan did not hesitate to reply with a loosely relevant quote from the critically acclaimed Netflix series ‘House Of Cards’.

An ingenious start-up has already set up sex-teepees in key zones of the campus. The idea is to facilitate any impulsive couples who didn’t think ahead to book rooms. The start-up boasts of its affordability, providing its customers the real bang for the buck.

Spring Fest has always been considered the sexual oasis for the thirsty KGP Junta. Though more often than not, it turns out to be a mirage, it is an indicator of the collective optimism of the KGP folk.  The increase of women on campus is equated to certainty of sex, and bridging the gap between the two is left to miracles and wishful thinking.

Maybe one day, miracles like these will be common events, but until then, Kharagpur will be having its own version of sex: ‘2.2 maarna’. 

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